I never thought I would be “that girl.” The one addicted to going to the gym. But I have indeed become, that girl. And I love her!

After a six month flare-up with plantar fasciitis, then an unexpected eye surgery which set me back another month, then a vacation where I returned home ill for two weeks, I had basically been sedentary for nine months. Which resulted in a very unhealthy physical and mental state.

So at the beginning of May, I decided to change that. I walked into a fitness class at our gym and loudly stated, “this is my first class. I am out of shape and I am intimidated.” And the instructor smiled at me and said, “WELCOME, we’re so glad you are here. Don’t compare yourself to the person on either side of you. Just focus on yourself and do the very best that you can.”

And so that is exactly what I did. And guess what, I survived. And the members of class, as well as the instructor, high-fived me when class was over and said I did great.

And I felt great. And proud of myself. You know why? Because I SHOWED UP. I showed up, even though I was intimidated. And I have continued to show up. Even on the days where I didn’t sleep well the night before. Even when I didn’t feel well. Even when I had a thousand things on my mind, or chores, or laundry waiting for me at home. I simply continue to show up.

I show up. I show up for myself. And I show up for the encouragement from the amazing women in my class. And I ALWAYS feel better after going.

And the weight loss has been a great result of showing up. But it is honestly more about what I have GAINED…and that is Confidence. Confidence to get out of my comfort zone and do hard things.

And an unexpected result has been that my shy self has developed the most beautiful “gym friendships.” A tribe of women, from all different backgrounds, all ages, all fitness levels. Encouraging each other. Motivating each other. Each on a different part of their fitness journey, each with their own story, their own cross to bear, their own hardships, their own battles. But for that forty-five minutes, they are showing up for themselves. And it’s BEAUTIFUL.

And now I am the one welcoming the newcomer. High-fiving her when class is over. Telling her how great she did. Encouraging her to keep coming back. Because it meant so much to me, when that group of strangers welcomed me just as I was- a hot mess to be honest.

Now you can find me there, six days a week. Prioritizing myself for forty-five minutes, no matter what else is going on in my life. Because goodness gracious, after fifty years, I have finally realized that I deserve that time. (Mom guilt is no joke) I have finally realized that I am not taking away from being a good mom or a good wife by taking time for myself. In fact, it is making me a better mom and a better wife.

So this is your sign, your gentle push, to take that first step. To conquer the intimidation, for whatever the scenario is in your life. For me, I was intimidated by the gym. But whatever the intimidation is for you personally, take a deep breath and just go for it. Push through. Because really, the fear is just all in our head, scenarios we have conjured up. Excuses. For some reason, I was afraid these beautiful, fit women would judge me because I was so out of shape. When in fact it turned out to be exactly the opposite, they honestly were proud of me for starting. Because everyone has to start somewhere.

So show up. Show up scared. Show up out of shape. Show up a hot mess. Show up frazzled. Show up on the brink of tears. Show up exhausted. Show up stressed. Show up overwhelmed.

JUST. SHOW. UP.

Show up for yourself.

Live with less intimidation.

You’ll be so glad you did.

And if you need someone in your corner, I’m your girl.

It’s been a minute since I have written anything. And oh how I have missed it. Writing has always been my outlet, a way for me to express my thoughts and feelings, joys and sadnesses, wins and losses. However, for the past few years, my mind has been so cluttered and so jam packed with life happenings, that the words simply would not come to me. It’s almost like, I had TOO much to say and my brain was too overstimulated to be able to say anything at all, if that makes sense?????

But the fog is lifting and the words have returned, so I thought I would start a fun little series called “Living with Less.”

There is actually a two-fold meaning there. So if you know me well or if you have ever been to my home, you know that I am a minimalist to my core. Clutter makes me break out in hives. And I love to clean out and organize, CONSTANTLY.

But what I have found is that, decluttering the mind is just as important as decluttering tangible items. If you are able to talk about it and process it, it is easier to let it go. Poof. Out of your mind, freeing up space for more important things.

Now, let me be the first to confess, coming from someone who is EXTREMELY PRIVATE, sharing is very difficult for me to do. But I have found that when I share, it helps me to process and heal. Sharing is forever a work in progress for me. The first time I began sharing my life was after the sudden death of my dad. It shattered my whole world. I was drowning and lost so I decided to share my innermost thoughts with a private audience and thus my blog, Grace in Threes, was born.

So here we go, a new series “Living with Less” will be a safe place where I share how we can mentally live with less clutter in our minds on various topics I know we ALL struggle with, while also sharing tips as to how I live with less physical clutter in my home.

Stay tuned! My first post will be out September 1st, because who doesn’t love the first of the month as a new beginning!

This past Saturday marked the end to a very special chapter in my family’s life…the JDRF Walk. For those of you who do not know, my oldest daughter, Katelyn, was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at the age of seven.

When you have a child with a life-threatening illness, you are faced with two choices. You can choose to wallow in self-pity, asking “Why my child?” and you can become a victim, or you can choose to empower your child, equip them with the tools to thrive, and you can ADVOCATE for awareness for their disease.

We chose the latter, so for the past eleven years, I have poured my heart and soul into the JDRF Walk, raising money for research for a cure for Katelyn.  I am proud to say that during these past eleven years, we have raised over $60,000 for JDRF.  I have talked to anyone who would listen about her story, the warning signs of Type 1 Diabetes and how early detection is KEY and can save lives!

If you know me, you know that walk day is a VERY SPECIAL day for this momma.  It’s the ONE day my sweet girl does not feel alone in her fight against Type 1 Diabetes. I watch as her face lights up when family from near and far, teachers both past and present, friends both old and new walk through the gates of NRG wearing her team shirt.  We have had hot walks, we have had cold walks, we have had the last three walks without my dad. But no matter the circumstances, no matter the weather, no matter how big or small our team, we have had HOPE.

Eleven years of organizing teams. Eleven years of designing shirts. Eleven years of fundraising. Eleven years of advocating. Eleven years of support.  Eleven years of prayers. Eleven years of standing in complete awe of her strength, her bravery, her grace, her faith.

To all of you who woke up early those eleven years and drove all the way to NRG, we will be forever grateful. If you took the time to join us, I guarantee you left the walk feeling the same magic we did.  And I guarantee you gained a new-found respect for all those who battle the invisible, terrible, bear of a disease that is Type 1 Diabetes.

What you may not realize is that those three hours you took out of your busy schedule, helped Katelyn make it through the other 364 days of the year.  Those three hours helped her endure the endless finger pricks, the high blood sugars, the low blood sugars, the thousands of insulin injections, the hospitalizations, the sleepless nights.  Those three hours helped her face each day, DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY!  Those three hours meant more to her than you will ever know.  Those three hours meant more to our family than you will ever know.

I have to admit, my heart broke a little as we drove out of the yellow lot of NRG this year. The closing of a chapter that has been a passion of mine for the past eleven years.  A project fueled by love, determination, and this momma bear’s heart. Of course we will always support JDRF.  We will always advocate. And Cody and I will continue to walk every year.  But that day will be a bit different without Katelyn as she will be off “walking” her new path as a college student.

The road has not been easy, but the support you all have given us over these past eleven years has helped lighten our load, helped us to keep our faith and has helped us to be one step closer to a cure for Katelyn and so many others fighting this terrible disease. THANK YOU, FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS, for walking this journey with us.

Team Katelyn, Forever.

 

As our kids have now gone back to school, I would like to talk about something that has been on my heart.

Inclusion.

I am not talking about the fact that “technically” John William has a desk in the regular classroom.

Inclusion goes way beyond his mere physical presence in the classroom.

Are his needs being thought about when daily lesson plans are structured?  Are different, ever-evolving learning methods being used?  Are a series of trial and error strategies being tried for motivation?  Are fellow students encouraged to interact with him?  Is he a VALUABLE member of the class?  Is he truly viewed as a regular, general education student or is he deemed special education’s sole responsibility?

I know that everybody LOVES John William.  He is impossible not to love.

But it is more that just smiling, or waving, or giving him a high five when you see him.

Are you taking the time to TRULY get to know him?

This year he is in the fifth grade.  Since Kindergarten, do you know how many birthday parties of his classmates that he has been invited to?

One.

No, that is not a typo.  He has only been invited to ONE birthday party in the past five years.

Do you know how many birthday parties of a fellow BOY classmate he has been invited to?

Zero.

Does that break my heart?

ABSOLUTELY!

He attends our neighborhood school and we live on a street filled with children his age.  They play outside and ride their bikes and scooters in the afternoons.  They play basketball in the driveway.  They run from house to house, knocking on doors to see who can come out and play.

But no one ever knocks on our door to invite John William to play.

And guess what?  John William has a bike.  And a scooter.  And he LOVES to play basketball.

I am not writing this to criticize or receive pity.  Rather, I am writing this to bring awareness.  To evoke change.  To advocate.  As any mother would.

If your child has expressed  an interest in wanting to play with John William, but is a bit unsure of how to go about it…

Ask me.

If your child wants to develop a friendship with John William, but doesn’t know where to begin…

Ask me.

Parents, if it has been on your heart to include John William but you just don’t know how…

Ask me.

My ears are open.  My door is open,  My heart is open.

It is our job as adults to model and foster true acceptance.  It is our job to hep them see past the differences to what is on the inside.  Encourage your children to push beyond just saying hello to John William.  It can start as a conversation at lunch or a game of tag on the playground.  Then urge your child to take it a step further and prompt a play date or some activity outside of school.

John William is just like any other fifth grader.

And he has so many gifts to offer in a friendship.  So please, give him the simple gift of being included.

Stepping out of our comfort zone is difficult.  The fear of the unknown might make us feel uneasy, at first.  But I promise you, what you give to John William, he will return in immeasurable ways.

When we make the effort to include and welcome others who are different from ourselves, we are ALL better for it.

 

Summer is my absolute FAVORITE time of year!  I am a Texan through and through.  I love 100 degree weather with 100 percent humidity.  Sometimes I swear I have gills.  For me, summer is a time of respite.  A much needed break from schedules, carpools, activities and the craziness that is the school year with three kids.

It’s also…bathing suit season.  Which so many women dread.  And that simply makes my heart sad.  Why are we so hard on ourselves?  Why do we focus on our flaws?  Why can’t we see ourselves as others see us?  And why, why, WHY do we compare ourselves to others?

Women are incredible beings.  We give life to tiny little humans.  So yes, that means our bodies change.  Some are able to regain their pre-pregnancy bodies.  Some are not.  And that’s okay.

Why does the media insist on praising perfect “stick” bodies?  An image that is simply unattainable and unrealistic for most.  I come from a long line of curvy women.  Beautiful, STRONG, curvy women.  I will never be a stick.  Period.  And that’s okay.

I recently lost over 50 pounds.  I made a complete lifestyle change and I am nutritionally the healthiest I have ever been.  I eat clean and I walk or lift weights every day.  And guess what…I still have a pooch.  And guess what else…that is OKAY!!!  It’s a reminder of the three beautiful babies I was blessed enough to carry.  And to tell you the truth, I don’t mind my pooch.  It’s a badge of honor, a result of motherhood.  Rather, I find myself worrying about what OTHERS might think about my pooch.  I hesitate when I reach for my bikini.  Isn’t that sad?  Why has the media turned us into body shamers?  My husband’s opinion of my body is the only one that matters to me and he thinks I am beautiful just the way I am.

And THAT, makes my heart full.

And my children are proud of all the hard work I have put into changing my lifestyle.

And THAT, makes my heart full.

So let’s be a society of women who build each other up.

Who compliment and praise all shapes and sizes.

And let’s stop competing.

And for crying out loud, LET’S STOP COMPARING!!!

We are all unique.  Each fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God.  Let’s smile when we look in the mirror and be content with our beautiful, amazing, strong bodies.  Whatever shape and size that might be.  Let’s be confident at the beach, or the lake, or the neighborhood pool and focus on enjoying life and stop worrying about what we “think” others might be saying about us.  Because I promise you, I am not judging your body and I bet you are not judging my body either.

Simply strive to be the very best version of YOU.

And accept whatever that may look like.

Because CONFIDENCE is beautiful.

In honor of Mother’s Day, I would like to write about my mother.  Most of you know her and love her a much as I do.  For those of you who do not know her, let me tell you about her…

She is beautiful.  The epitome of a southern lady.  Always perfectly put together, from head to toe.  Sporting her bright, stylish clothes, coordinating Kendra Scott jewelry, fun handbag, acrylic nails and painted toenails, sunglasses in every color and always smelling amazing.  She exudes charm and manners and simply glows.

But what is more beautiful than her outward appearance, is her heart.  She has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever known.  So warm and loving.  Completely selfless.  So ready to help anyone at any time.  She gives so much of herself to so many, but most of all, to me, her only child.

She is my everything.  My very best friend.  My mentor.  My advocate.  My cheerleader.  My spiritual advisor.  My counselor.  My companion for fun.  My sounding board.  My shoulder.  My calming force.  My rock.

She knows every fiber of my being.  Who I really am.  What makes me tick.  All of my imperfections.  Everything from my mistakes to my greatest moments.  She loves me deeply, fiercely and unconditionally.

She is a part of my daily life.  I depend on her.  I need her.  I look forward to our four to five times a day conversations.  I truly enjoy her company.  We share a love of sunshine, the beach and a good glass of champagne!

She is a deeply spiritual, faith-filled woman.  So devoted the Catholic faith.  A true disciple.  Always leading me, by example, guiding me, continually making me yearn to be the very best version of myself.  To live my life as Jesus would.  To live a life filled with joy and purpose and service to others.

She has formed me into the person that I am, the friend that I am, the mother that I am, the wife that I am and the Catholic that I am.  I hope that I make her proud.

This past year, since the death of my dad, she has shown me what it is like to TRULY live your faith.  To TRULY trust in God’s plan.  To be knocked down, to lose your soulmate, to have your heart broken, to have your world fall apart and to not crumble but instead…

TO BLOOM.  TO STAND TALL.  TO FACE EACH DAY WITH PRAYER AND ACCEPTANCE.  JESUS I TRUST IN YOU.

I have never in my life witnessed such strength and grace and complete and total faith in God’s plan.  To find light in her darkness.  To choose to find her joy amidst the sadness.

If you know her, consider yourself blessed.

I love you mom, with all of my heart.  Our relationship is one of my most cherished blessings.

Happy Mother’s Day to my mother and all the mothers out there.

There is no love like a mother’s love.

What a beautiful word.  Surrender.  What a frightening word.  Surrender.  Seemingly so simple, yet so very difficult.  We naturally want to control.  To plan.  To navigate the path by our own device.  To write our own story.

Ten years ago, my life completely changed during an emergency c-section, where I would be blessed with John William, my son with Down Syndrome.

There I suddenly was, with no control.  No plan.  No navigation.  And this was definitely not the story I had written.

In my naivety, I thought to myself, oh what wonderful things I will teach him.  What a wonderful, meaningful life I will give him.  I will shower him with unconditional love.  I will bring him immeasurable joy.  I will teach him to be strong.  I will let him know that he is capable.  I will show him the way.

Do you hear that?  I. I. I.

I was only focusing on everything “I” would provide for him.

Little did I know back then that in fact, the opposite would unfold.  What amazing things he has taught ME!  What a wonderful, meaningful life he has given ME!  He has showered ME with unconditional love.  He has given ME immeasurable joy.  He has taught ME to be strong.  He has let ME know that I am capable.  He has shown ME the way.

That Sunday evening in October ten years ago, I did not have all the answers.  In fact, I did not have any answers.  I did not know the path.  In fact, I was afraid of this new, unfamiliar path.  I did not know why God had chosen me.  In fact, I felt unworthy.

But I chose to surrender.

And oh, what a beautiful journey it has been, because it was the will of God.

So it is perfectly fitting that I share this today, as we celebrate World Down Syndrome Day.

To share my willingness to surrender to an unexpected blessing who, by merely raising him, would bring me closer to God.  Whose eyes radiate the light of God, whose ears hear the goodness of God, whose mouth speaks the word of God, whose hands do the work of God and whose feet walk the path of God.

A path that is MORE THAN WORTHY.

When your life veers off into an unfamiliar route, do not be afraid.

SURRENDER.

Beautiful blessings await!

When your child has a life-threatening illness, your world changes.  It magnifies, exponentially.  It changes who you are as a person.  As a mother.

I realize that all mothers have their challenges.  Every child is uniquely different, requiring their own special set of needs that need to be met.  Those waters are no small feat for any mother to navigate.  I am by no means diminishing the challenges that every mother faces while raising her children.

But our challenge is different.  Without the proper care, without diligent planning, without paying close attention to every detail, every second of every day…our child could die.

Those words are heavy and difficult for me to say.  “My child could die.”

Do not get me wrong…our Type 1 children are nothing short of amazing.  They are strong.  They are fierce.  They are WARRIORS.  They overcome more battles each day than most could in a year.  They manage.  They deal.  They prepare.  They problem solve.  They SUCCEED!  They do their best to live a very normal life.  I could go on and on about how wonderful and resilient they are.

But what I want to talk about today are the forces behind those warriors…their MOMMAS.  The mommas whose lives are anything BUT normal.  The mommas who tremble the first day they send their child back to school after diagnosis, who spend countless hours fighting with insurance, scheduling doctor’s appointments and ordering supplies, who cringe when they hear that the stomach bug is going around because that is a whole different ball game for a Type 1 Diabetic, who spend endless nights treating scary low blood sugars and stubborn high blood sugars, who hold their breath while the ketone meter counts down, whose favorite number is 100, who have to answer the same question over and over “yes, she can have sugar” trying their best not to roll their eyes, who spend all their energy advocating for awareness for this silent disease, who have snacks and low supplies stashed everywhere, who have memorized the carb count for every food known to man, who can make insulin dose calculations in their sleep…SLEEP???  What is sleep???

The mommas who spend all day, every day, planning, anticipating every possible scenario, so that life can go on seemingly normal for their child.  Always in the background, but ever present.

You may feel invisible.  You may think all your actions, hard work and effort goes unnoticed.  You are not alone.

I see you.  I feel you.  I applaud you.  I admire you.  I am you.

The Unlikely Hero.

You are amazing.

You are enough.

You are the calm in their storm.

YOU are the reason they are strong.  You have modeled strength and they have watched you.

There is an unspoken connection between Type 1 mommas.  An immediate bond.  An understanding like no other.  A calming comfort knowing they just “get” it.  They speak your language.  I am beyond blessed to be in a tribe with such remarkable women.

Women who smile when they feel like crying, who stand tall when they want to crumble, who are relentless advocates to anyone who will listen, who fight every day against a monster of a disease, and who grab a Starbucks and face the day with little to no sleep and simply go on about their day and all the rest of their responsibilities.

And who wake up and do it all over again.  Never once complaining.  (However sometimes requiring a little Tory Burch retail therapy). Because that’s just what we do.  Because they are our children and there is no mountain we wouldn’t climb for them.

 

Happy 2019 everyone!  I love January.  I love fresh starts to a new year.  I will admit, I was happy to bid farewell to 2018.  Mentally, it was a very challenging year.  I was working through my grief, experiencing a year of “firsts” without my dad, as well as dealing with some devastating issues in my personal life which left me feeling defeated, un-worthy of grace and betrayed by friends that I considered family.

What I did to work through all of that, though, made me feel proud, strong and worthy again.  I even amazed myself with my results!

I channeled all of my grief, all of my heartbreak, and all of my hurt into something positive…into falling in love with myself again.  Falling in love with taking care of my body.  Falling in love with taking care of my mental well-being.  Falling in love with nourishing my body, both physically and spiritually.  Making myself a priority for the first time in YEARS!  Realizing that taking better care of myself would allow me to take better care of my family.  Easier said than done for a giver like myself.

On January 1st of last year, I started to walk.  A simple, one mile walk to the stop sign and back.  I would walk and pray.  Sometimes I would walk and cry.  I would walk and storm the heavens for answers.  Sometimes hearing them, sometimes not.  It was such a mental release for me.  So much so, that I began to crave it.  Then I began to walk farther, and more often.  Each time, working through another piece of the healing puzzle.  Days turned into weeks that turned into months and before I knew it, I was healing.  My body was healing, my mind was healing, and my broken heart was healing.

I began to “clean out” the things that were not healthy for me, both physically and mentally.  Physically, I cleaned out all the junk food.  I cut out all the processed food.  I began my real food journey.  Mentally, I cleaned out toxic relationships.  I let go of negative thoughts and unhealthy behaviors.

Over the Christmas break I was out to dinner with a dear friend who asked me if I had a “word” for 2019.  Hmmmm, I did not.  But it got me thinking.  So that night I went home and examined my weaknesses and prayed about what my word for 2019 should be.  I texted her the next morning saying, “I’ve got it!  I know what my word for 2019 is going to be!”

FOCUS.  My word is FOCUS.

FOCUS on my faith.  FOCUS on my family.  FOCUS on my loyal friends.  FOCUS my energy in positive place only.  FOCUS on taking care of my body.  FOCUS on my health.  FOCUS on my joy.  FOCUS on my blessings.  FOCUS on being grateful.  FOCUS on being content with what I have.

FOCUS MY EYES ON GOD!

I feel that when you incorporate a word into your life, it becomes so much more that just a “resolution.”  It has more significance, more meaning, thereby causing you to live your life with purpose!  Especially when you can incorporate your word into so many different areas of your life.

Do you have a word for 2019?  It’s not too late!  I would love to hear about it.  What is your purpose?  What areas of your life are you needing to strengthen?  Are you needing to let go of the negative energy that is weighing you down?  Letting go can be extremely difficult.  We often stay in our same patterns simply because that is all we know.  And let’s be honest…change is scary.  Especially when it comes to something we poured our heart and soul into.  When something does not work out, whether it be a friendship, or job opportunity, etc, it often causes us to question ourselves, to doubt our worthiness, to feel like failures.  But it is like I told my daughter when she experienced a HUGE disappointment at school this year, “Life is not always fair.  Things do not always go our way.  Good, qualified, hard-working people get passed over all the time.  And unfortunately, this won’t be the last time.  The only thing you can control is how you choose to handle yourself during the disappointment and I pray that you will handle yourself with grace.  Keep your chin up, be respectful, have a great attitude and MOVE ON.  Do not dwell on how things turned out.  This is a life lesson, and yes, they are hard.  But they are making you stronger and giving you character and resilience…And THAT will take you far my sweet daughter.”

I hope and pray that 2019 is the best year yet for all of you.  I cannot wait to see what the Lord has in store for all of us.  Focus on your blessings!  Live your life with purpose!

My Christmas preparation has not gone as planned this year.  I am normally completely finished Christmas shopping by now, all presents wrapped and under the tree and Christmas cards mailed.  Well, not this year.  John William has been home sick from school with pneumonia for two weeks now.  I feel very blessed to be able to stay home with him when he is sick.  However, because of this particularly busy time of year, I started to feel quite panicky.  The huge list of things I needed to do to get ready for Christmas was weighing heavy on my shoulders.  I could feel the anxiety begin to creep its way in.

Then, Sunday evening, my mom was able to keep John William so that the rest of us could go to Life Teen mass.  Our priest stated a catchy rhyme about Advent, “Pray, Wait, Anticipate.”

I then realized I was looking at it all wrong.  John William being home sick for two weeks was not putting me behind, but in fact was putting me EXACTLY where I needed to be this Advent season.  Shifting my perspective to a different type of preparation.  Causing me to slow down.  Breathe.  Be still.  Rest.  Snuggle.  Soak in my family.  Watch Christmas movies.  Read my Advent devotional.  Sit quietly in prayer.  Admire all my Christmas decorations and the warmth and beauty they bring to our home.  To take the time to enjoy the little things that might otherwise go unnoticed.  To treasure quiet moments that were not focused around the commercial side of Christmas, but rather on the true meaning.  Preparing room in our hearts for the birth of our Saviour.

Will everything get done?  Of course it will.  And if it does not, then so be it.  Christmas will come anyway.  “Fahoo fores dahoo dores welcome Christmas bring your light.” (name that movie)

So instead of being frazzled and stressed, I am calm.  Focused.  Full of love.  Full of joy.  Full of peace.  Full of hope.  “My Deliverer is coming, my Deliverer is standing by.”

This Advent season, amidst all the hustle and bustle, make sure you take the time to pray, wait, anticipate.

Make sure you Ready the Way.